Red and Blue

Julee’s facebook entry today: (a’la HellaHota)

Wisconsin Plates

375 DBH

I just wanted to take the time to thank you for nearly running me off the road on 35E in Mendota Heights/St. Paul today. “Blue” (my car) has been feeling bored lately so it was a little exciting when you tried to push us off the road into the shoulder and i had to slam on the breaks to avoid hitting you…It’s super fun to go from 70 mpg to almost a near stop. I would have liked to give you a hi-five for the exhilarating ride, but since I was driving and u didn’t wait up for us, I was only able to give you the finger when I passed you.

Its really awesome how you decided to merge into the left lane when we were basically right next to you. I don’t know, maybe your little red corvette had a fatal attraction to my boy “Blue” and just needed to feel his nose against your side and in your rear, but your sexual advances are not welcome. “Blue” doesn’t appreciate being almost side-swiped and having his nose smashed in.

I helped “Blue” express his displeasure by laying on the horn and giving you the finger, but what was really amazing is that when we pulled up next to you, you couldn’t even look at me. I guess you must have a neck injury and are unable to look to your left. A famous model named Derek Zoolander also battled the same condition, but he eventually found a cure for it and I hope you do too.

I could tell you were avoiding driving next to me/around me, bc after I passed you I could see a long line of traffic gathering behind you…My guess is that it was because you were too much of a bitch to speed up in that sports car of yours. In MN, when the speed limit says 55 mph, most people abide by that and go at least 55 mph or faster. It may be unconventional, but I’ve heard that it tends to piss people off when you only go 40 mph on the freeway.

Anyhoo, I’m tired. I just wanted to write you a formal thank you for making my day interesting. Goodnight and I hope you seek some physical therapy and/or chiropractor to help you with your inability to look left.

xoxo,

julee & “Blue”